Malaysia. We Need To Talk.
I can’t promise you anything. I may or may not stay with you for the longest run. But it all depends on us, not just on you, and it’s not just on me either.
[An open letter discussing my relationship with Malaysia, as if it impersonated a human. This conversation aims to reflect the Country and how its behaviours affect my decision to stay and choose Malaysia, as an entrepreneur.]
It’s been 2++ amazing years together. Sure you agree.
Yet, I need to get this off my chest. I feel insecure about where this relationship is headed. I feel you’re stepping back.
It’s like you’re doubting me, when in fact you are doubting yourself. You’re second guessing yourself. All the time.
I’m tired of playing games. One day, everything is great. All of a sudden, you hit with me that “some day, when you leave me…” attitude. But, how did we get to this point?
Let’s take a few steps back. I should have noticed it from the start. When I first met you, you were all the time like, “Why me?” all the time.
And your neighbours and friends would repeat after you, “Why Malaysia? But why Malaysia?” At the beginning I liked answering to that, but then it felt like “you should know already know that”.
I wondered who started this second-guessing on you, Malaysia.
Recently, it frightened me to think that you did—you started it.
See: I love you. But I know it feels awkward to say it and you don’t like hearing it. It makes you feel awkward, uncomfortable, because for some weird reason you think you’re not deserving.
You think you’re messy, cloudy, hazy. All the shit you repeat about yourself.
You think that love is about the things you do. That you must please me, so that I can love you. You always ask if it’s about what you do. Especially food. Food. Every. Single. Time.
“How do you like me? It’s all about the food, right?”
Seriously, Malaysia: it’s not (just) about the food — although I must say I’d love you to keep cooking Curry Mee and Sarawak Laksa.
But. What if I told you that I like you for who you are? Your colours, diversity, flavours and every single detail of it, plus another special one—that you give me room to grow and become a better person?
Could you accept that and, for once, be gentle and say better things about yourself? Could you accept that people want to be nice for you?
Right now, it’s like you just can’t trust good things can happen.
Like when I tried to learn Malay and you go like: “No need! I speak good English!” First, I didn’t mean to learn it because of your English. I wanted to. But OK. Turns out I had to ask Indonesia to teach me their Bahasa. Then you got angry at me. So I try to learn Malay again and you go like, “But why lah?” again. And I’m like. I can’t.
It’s a silly example to illustrate that, when you don’t trust good things, you close your doors to people who want to be good for you. And you open doors for those who are mostly trying to take advantage from you.