April is the cruelest month


Top PKR leaders are now getting serious about reforms, after about 15 years of not being able to define exactly what kind of form the reforms would take.

Jerome Martin, MM

It’s been a sad, sad couple of months for Malaysians. Our heartbroken hero doesn’t want to talk about it.

Instead, here’s more misery! I know, I know, Malaysians can’t even catch their breath while a crazy party is reforming the idea of reform.


Malaysians are up in arms after being told they can only breathe for two minutes, and then hold their breath for the next two until a solution is found to the shortage of clean, treated air. After years of constant air pollution, not helped by slash-and-burn agriculture in Indonesia and a dry spell in Malaysia that has sparked bushfires, we’ve finally run out of enough good air. Malaysia will be divided into two zones, so while people in zone A breathe, people in zone B must hold their breaths.

“It’s ridiculous. Air is a basic right, how can they deny us this?” said one resident of Puchong, who was seen hoarding air into plastic bags for use over the next two minutes.

Experts say the government’s decision will not make much impact on reducing clean air usage as many would collect air for later use.

“In fact, they might collect too much and later just dump it if it is not used. So it might increase usage among some breathers,” said environmentalist Gurmit Singh.

Other air experts, with decades of experience in breathing, said rationing was not the answer, but that Malaysians must be educated, as our per capita consumption was higher than neighbours Singapore.

Others complained that the breathing schedule was not prompt.

“Actually, it’s not even two minutes we get to breathe. We only get to start towards the end of the first minute and must stop early in the second minute. But worse, sometimes they don’t follow the schedule and we only get to breathe for 40 seconds and suddenly we’re deprived!” said a double-lunged individual from Bukit Bendera.

While authorities are mooting solutions such as building tunnels and pumps to channel air from neighbouring areas to worse-hit areas, some people have come up with genius ideas of their own, on how to cope with the shortage of air.

“What I’ve done is that I now live and work on the border of zone A and B. So for two minutes I stand here, then I step across,” said one air pirate who refused to be named.

The Malay Mail Online found that property prices in such areas have doubled in the past month alone, leading to even more murmurs over the rising cost of home ownership.

A government spokesman said in response that “if you don’t like it, you can leave (the border area).”

PKR elections

Top PKR leaders are now getting serious about reforms, after about 15 years of not being able to define exactly what kind of form the reforms would take or if it would transform the country into anything formidable.

But all that is coming to an end now. This is not mere campaign sloganeering for the party elections. This party is serious, bro!

Just look at Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim. He’s now living with the times, not on injustices from 1998. That’s why he’s on a nationwide Reformasi 2.0 tour. You know, to bring people out to the public and listen to speeches. These will be at events that have the title of a movement started all those years ago from when the party was born… but with a totally edgy 2.0 appended to it. Serious, man.

Read more at: http://www.themalaymailonline.com/opinion/jerome-martin/article/april-is-the-cruelest-month