Malay a fruitless language


Dr Azly Rahman

Lovely is the English language

More fruitful than that of the Malays

I could see the fruitfulness of it

And learn to appreciate juiciness when you bite into it

Unlike the dryness of that of the Malays


You can call someone an apple of your eye

And when you fall in love with that person you can go bananas

In Malay you can’t call your date a rambutan

and be mistaken as an orangutan

you can be crazy in love and go bananas but you can’t say that I am going to be a pisang

no no no —  Malay is a fruitless language


Fruity is the English language

Better than that of the fruitless Malays


You can fall out of love and become a sour grape

When the apple of your eye left you for the Big Apple

You can see politicians become sour grapes

When they are no longer favoured in their Banana Republic

In the fruitless Malay language, when you become a sour grape

You can’t call yourself a kedondong and sit under a tree like ikan temenong

You can’t even call your ex-girlfriend a pulasan

as you were the first to ‘perasan’ and became a sour grape


Ahh Tutti Frutti English Language

Ahhh no such things as … buah muah … in Malay language

simply won’t go as Malay is a fruitless language


English is in demand

as a fruity language Malaysians should have command

Americans can drive a ‘lemon’

Can Malaysians drive a ‘longan‘?


Ahhh … there there is an English fruit called ‘squash’

One can even play the fruit and be good at squash

Can Malaysian be good at durians

And roll them down the bowling lane?

How fruitless is the Malay language


I have often wondered why traditional English parents love the fruit cantelope

They feed their girls that thing at an early age

Now that I am in love with the English language I know it means

… “can’t elope” … hah … how fruity is the beauty of the language

But can you Malays come up with a fruit that “can’t elope”

I bet you can’t … you fruitless language

The best you can tell a girl is that she is a “jambu” but she will still elope.


When you are in love and with the apple of your eye

When you go bananas and saved from being a sour grape

When you go on a date in Strawberry Fields

Your heart will always be on Orange Alert

You will be cheery like wild cherry

No– can the Malay language be as fruitful and fruity as this

No it can’t

How could you call your girlfriend a lychee

And not expect her the smack you with her tai chi

And you go crazy over her like a Siamese mango without biji

And your heart beat fast like a magoesteen on 100-meter dash to eternity


Fruity is the English language

Darling are the clementines

Like in the song “Oh my darling … clementine”

Try using that line via the fruitless Malay language

Trying saying “sayang ku ….  limau kasturi

And you’ll see Hang Lekir and Hang Lekiu

running after you crying like a Portuguese fruit under a Melakka tree


English even have “pomegranade”

Of which the word grenade emanate

Fruitless language Malay don’t have this

The closest is the sound of the popping of buah getah

As a child visiting grandma and grandpa in Penang I would wonder

what the heck is that little C4s of a fruit’s doing


Okay maybe there is one fruity word the Malays can be proud of

is when they call their love one “buah hati”

or “fruit of the heart”

now logically, do hearts have fruits?

or fruits have heart?

unless you talk about love that is coming to fruition

and the heart is cheery like a shaved rambutan

or a repented durian that finally bathe in perfume water

made from a concoction of limau kasturi and fermented lychee


So– what then must we worry

Fruitless it will be

Of which language is more fruity

When we all now know

which one is

the good .. the bad … and the fruity … !