BN Screwed by own PR Company?


Dear BN,

I really don’t know who your PR advisors are, but I strongly suggest you change them. Whoever is advising you on PR matters are either clueless people who don’t know what they’re doing or really, really sneaky people who know exactly what they’re doing. Either way they are dragging you down – abysmally.

I believe the Malay name for the place they are leading you to is called ‘neraka jahanam’. Some say your PR company is Jewish-American. I don’t know about you, but if I’ve made my career from vilifying, crucifying and calling for boycotts against someone, I doubt the wisdom in hiring them to handle an important part of my business. Neither would I trust them with my national security systems, but that’s a different story for a different day.

First off, any public relations person, even barely qualified half past graduates from a shop lot non-MQA accredited college would be able to tell you that it is important to appear consistent. A lie, when repeated would at least look real. But a lie, when twisted beyond recognition, looks comical.

For instance – let’s say you start with an imaginary organization that fights for, let’s say, fair and free elections. If you are going to discredit them, first off, choose your label. You don’t go labeling the same (fictional, of course) organization as communist, disloyal dissidents, foreign agents, tools for the opposition AND American/European/Jewish-linked at the same time.

It makes very little sense for someone who is a foreign instigator to subject his or herself to Royal decrees, much less for a communist to be seeking American funding. Neither are the Jews likely to fund an organization backed by a country’s largest Muslim organization.

In order to understand labels effectively, and given the similarities in techniques you appear to be trying to employ, I recommend ‘Mein Kampf’ by one Adolf Hitler, ISBN number 0395925037, available in most leading bookstores. Chapter 6 of Volume 2 deals extensively on how to avoid foot-in-mouth situations you often seem to find yourselves in recently.

Consistency is especially important when making press statements. Thanks to online search engines, it only takes seconds now to detect how much of a Pinocchio a politician is. Consistency is also important in making a stand for or against something. You don’t, for instance, call a party pro-Chinese and anti-Chinese at the same time. It doesn’t make sense. Neither does saying there is nothing wrong with the electoral system, but we are going to revamp it anyway. You don’t change your stance on matters as important as the medium of instruction in schools every two years, nor can you declare Malaysia a Muslim state, at the same time tell people if you vote for another political party, Malaysia will ‘turn into’ a Muslim state. This is beyond logical fallacy – its failed logic.

Discredited politicians should not speak. Like ever. For example, let’s say one of your leaders was implicated in a pornography scandal. Your PR people should ask him to refrain on speaking on issues of morality, family values and marriage, as it just sounds hollow. Especially not when half of Malaysia has seen you with your pants down (quite literally). This also serves to irritate people more (refer mosquito coil analogy below). You don’t hear about Hugh Hefner being asked to preach in a church about abstinence or Bill Clinton addressing feminists. Just because a person is popular in his or her own party does not make the person popular with everybody else. Robert Mugabe has never lost control of his party, but generally is regarded as a dictator by everyone else.

Likewise, within your own your own party fold, 4 out of 5 component party leaders of Semenanjung BN parties are not even elected representatives. Also, political frogs who hop between parties are generally not well-regarded by the public. (See mosquito coil analogy again).

Giving too much airtime to political dropouts like the professional demonstrators who demonstrate every other Friday in front of Komtar, once a month in front of SUK Selangor and once every quarter in front of PKR’s HQ doesn’t really help boost your credentials either, especially when they are led by noisy stall owners with rather unusual obsessions over striped undergarments, fist fights and coffins.

Throwing people in jail to shut them up is so 1980s. I hope your PR company also updated you that the Cold War is over, the Berlin Wall has come down, Aung San Suu Kyi is out of jail, Nelson Mandela has been released and panda meat is no longer an acceptable source of protein. Also, between then and now, someone invented the Internet and text messaging, so that people out of jail can almost instantly be informed of where their leaders are being held to hold candlelight vigils to irritate your police officers through the two mediums mentioned above. This makes arrest as an intimidation technique against the masses as effective as using a mosquito coil to get rid of stray dogs. Not only is it ineffective, its only serves to irritate them further.

While it is great to control the mainstream media, some writers, especially the clueless ones from Utusan Malaysia should be given a crash course in any given topic before they are asked to write pieces attempting to discredit it.

In the very least, they should be taught how to use Google properly. Perhaps the lack of bonus or the sacking of their former union boss, or a lack of morale of dwindling sales has somewhat affected the writers’ cognitive ability. For instance, poco-poco and yoga, to most Malaysians, are as detrimental to one’s faith as line dancing and Pilates.

Catholics only have a Bishop (in Bahasa, called Uskup) and they don’t have a High Priest, that’s only found in Judaism and World of Warcraft. Christians in general aren’t bible-thumping missionaries who spike your food with Jesus voodoo spells and baptize your babies when you’re not looking. The Sign of the Cross isn’t a mystical sigil greeting used to hypnotize you, nor do Christmas carols contain subliminal messaging urging you embrace Christianity. Well, not Jingle Bells at least.

Someone should tell The Star that Muslims aren’t allowed to eat pork, especially not in Ramadan, and playing down Opposition events like Bersih doesn’t really help, since many of their readers attend such events anyway.

It appears all this PR company is doing successfully is making you guys look foolish, confused and inconsistent. This is even worse than the previous administration where the PM’s bumbling ministers mostly looked foolish and confused, but at least consistently so.