Round and round the mulberry bush

Alternative Action Team president, B. Kalai Vanar, wants Yang di-Pertuan Agong Tuanku Mizan Zainal Abidin to revoke Bersih chairperson S. Ambiga’s citizenship for going ahead with the plan to organise a mass rally on July 9. Kalai said his movement was backed by Pusat Penyelidikan Tamil Malaysia. — Free Malaysia Today


Raja Petra Kamarudin

Datuk: Tan Sri, I think I may have found the solution on how to handle BERSIH.

Tan Sri: Finally….a solution. Shoot!

Datuk: We can withdraw Ambiga’s citizenship.

Tan Sri: Now hold on! Won’t that make the Indians angry? We already have problems with HINDRAF. I don’t want a new movement called AMBIGARAF to be launched by the Indians.


Tan Sri: Yes, Ambiga Rights Action Force.

Datuk: Oh, that won’t happen, Tan Sri. It is the Tamils themselves who are asking His Majesty the Agong to withdraw Ambiga’s citizenship.

Tan Sri: Oh good, if the Tamils themselves are asking for it then no problem.

Datuk: Yes, then later when we withdraw the citizenship of other Indians the Tamils cannot complain since they started this whole ‘withdraw the citizenship of Indians’ thingy.

Tan Sri: Hmm…yes…I like that. Once we open the Pandora’s box the Indians can’t complain any longer.

Datuk: Pandora? Is he also a Tamil?

Tan Sri: Oh never mind…sigh…how I wish we did not change our medium of education from English to Malay. When can we withdraw her citizenship?

Datuk: As soon as we sort out one tiny problem.

Tan Sri: What tiny problem?

Datuk: If we withdraw her citizenship and she is no longer a Malaysian citizen, she can no longer remain in Malaysia. All non-citizens will have to be deported.

Tan Sri: So? That’s the whole idea isn’t it? To kick her out of Malaysia.

Datuk: Yes, but where do we deport her to?

Tan Sri: To India of course.

Datuk: But she is not an Indian citizen.

Tan Sri: So what? That would become India’s problem, not ours.

Datuk: But how do we send her back to India?

Tan Sri: On a plane of course, like how all Indians go to India.

Datuk: But she won’t have a Malaysian passport since we would have to cancel her passport once we withdraw her citizenship.

Tan Sri: Naturally. But why would that be a problem?

Datuk: No airline would allow her to board a plane without a passport.

Tan Sri: Then how would we send her back to India?

Datuk: Exactly. That is what I meant.

Tan Sri: So we can’t let her remain in Malaysia because she is no longer a Malaysian citizen but we can’t deport her since she no longer has a passport.

Datuk: Right. That’s the tiny problem I was talking about.

Tan Sri: Sheesh….Catch 22.

Datuk: You want me to catch who?

Tan Sri: Sigh….Malay medium education…never mind.

Datuk: So what do you suggest we do, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: Me? You were the one who suggested we withdraw her citizenship.

Datuk: The suggestion came from the Tamils, Tan Sri.

Tan Sri: Aiyah…these Tamils are talking…..

Datuk: Tamil?

Tan Sri: I was going to say ‘talking cock’. So that means it is not possible to withdraw anyone’s citizenship then?

Datuk: Not unless we can figure out what to do with them once we withdraw their citizenship.

Tan Sri: Aiyah…this will not work. Go figure out another solution.

Datuk: Okay, Tan Sri. And what should I tell these Tamil people?

Tan Sri: Tell them to stop talking….

Datuk: Cock?

Tan Sri: No, Tamil.