Help Me!

I want to report a case of animal abuse.
By A Malaysian

I am a victim. There was this kitten who wandered into our house last year. My wife told my daughter “Give it some food and tell it to go away.”
Bad mistake. She stuck with us because my daughters appealed to let her stay. I grudgingly agreed: She stays outside. Cannot come into the house.
Bit by bit, the rascal encroached inside. She started at the back door grille, sat there and watched. When no one complained, she moved to the dining hall. Again we kept quiet. Next it was the main hall, the table, our chairs, MY CHAIR!
Now she is everywhere, sleeping anywhere she likes. She is clever enough to tip over the food cover to get at the fish, even though we put a heavy plate on top of the cover.



I am the newly elected President of the Religious Society for the Promotion of Cruelty to Armo. Most people know us by our nickname: RSPCA. However, due to a conflict in the objectives with the other Society, they have decided that we are most welcome to use that nickname.

Back to your plea for help, we are extremely glad that you came to us for help. We are similarly facing the same dilemma of what to do with a cat that just won’t go away. We are not so much affected by this cat as our members are who live in a country named after Anita, a well-known jazz artist who performed in Las Vegas and whose mother, Siput, was named after the country which was named after Anita.

Okay, enough about that country. Let’s talk about cats and how they are slowly entrenching themselves into our homeland and taking away our food bought with our hard-earned money. These cats never have to work hard for the money. Work is a four-letter word to them while hard is achieved with the help of viagra.

So, to arrest your dilemma without resorting to ISA, we believe that by putting plenty of crosses in the right box when the next general erection takes place, it will put enough fear in these cats to drive them away, complete with outriders and social escorts. Our Christian members have proven that putting crosses in the right places can put sufficient fear in a Prime Minister for him to demand that the crosses be removed before he enters.

We hope you will heed our advice and urge all your friends to make sure they put the crosses in the right box.

Your President,