Ketuanan for Dummies


Assamualaikum Yang Maha Bagus NON-NON’s. Anak Harams, dan lain-lain. Hari ini, saya berbangga untuk menyampaikan Defini Istillah “Ketuanan” di kalangan Masyarakat Malaysia. Buku ini dalam proses di terjemahkan kepada dua ribu bahasa dan di edarkan serata Dunia, untuk manfaat Manusia. Demi kelemahan engkau, yang kurang ajar, saya akan Change my Mode Lagi sekali…

What is the meaning of Ketuanan?

It translates into the Inferior English Language to mean “The Lordship”. But even then, this is insufficient to explain what it means. What it really should be, is that UMNO is BETTER than GOD !!! You want proof? Simple. You pray. God NEVER answers. You have to try very hard to “imagine those answers”. God NEVER talks to you in a Voice !! You ask UMNO, UMNO answers !! and UMNO answers to you in a REAL voice which you can hear! No need to “imagine hearing answers” !! You give money to God, or make animal sacrifice to God, and you just kiss that money goodbye, and the animal dies. No results, or you may or may not get it. But if you gave money to UMNO, then you see instant results !! And the results are instant !! Even instant Noodles also must wait 2 minutes !! UMNO is FASTER than instant Noodles !! God may or may not answer you, but UMNO definitely answers you. Sometimes, we say “Yes”, and sometimes we say “No”. But pay us enough, and most of the time, it will shift from “No” to a “Yes”. This is the generosity of UMNO. You pay more, you get more. You pay less, you get less. Why is UMNO better than God? You can bargain with UMNO, but you cannot bargain with God!! Which you prefer? Engkau faham-kah? Simple arithmetik. Matematik yang paling senang untuk difahami !!

You see, even the Sultans eat out of our hands. And we simply tell you to “RESPECT the Sultans” as our excuse, so that you will Shut Up. Why? Simple. We cannot arrest you for insulting UMNO, but we can arrest you for insulting the Sultans. and there are so many of them, so it just makes our job easier. No other country in the world has so much “Royalty”. Of course, no other country in the world has so many Holidays as well.. but that’s just because we are officially LAZY. After all, Malaysia Boleh !!! Boleh what? Shut Up !! Don’t ask so many questions, or you will Strangle Yourself and Jump out of the 14th Floor !! And no Thai Expert-Doctor from the Top 5 University in Asia can help you.

What else does Ketuanan mean?

Ketuanan means that you stupid Malaysian will never revolt. Egypt, Libya, Tunisia, Iran, Italy, Bahrain, Thailand, Indonesia, can have all the riots they want, but Malaysians will NEVER riot. Why? Coz Malaysians are all too stupid ! They don’t even know what we, UMNO has in store for them. Actually, they don’t even care what we have in store for them. As long as they have their stupid Astro, they are happy already. Why are Supermarkets so empty at “Wayang Time”? Because they have their backside stuck on the chair watching Astro !! Even if there was a riot, they would rush home to watch their Wayang.. Hahahahahaha This is why we have Ketuanan !! And we control ASTRO !!! Even better is that we collect money from you so that we can control you !! It doesn’t get any more dumber than that ! School is not important !! Astro is more important !

What does Ketuanan mean for you?

Ketuanan is a VERY important concept. It means you can continue to do anything you want. But if you get caught, then because of Ketuanan, you can pay your way out. So, it’s kinda like a “Bargaining with God”. And as I said before, because you cannot “Bargain with God”, but you can bargain with UMNO. We can provide Happiness !! We can provide Security. If you vote for the Opposition, you cannot “Bargain with Honesty”. So, which one do Malaysians prefer? Of course we all know that Malaysians prefer to be able to Bargain. And ONLY UMNO, and UMNO alone can allow for that. You try to Bargain with PAS and see what you get? NOTHING !! And that is why we have to work so hard to discredit Tok Guru. He is a COMPLETE PAIN IN THE ASS for us !! He is TOO Righteous !! See, even the King of Bahrain is nicely Corrupt. Even the Sultan of Brunei imports his women. They ALL have their vices, and yet, can pretend to be good pious Muslims. So, we too, can pretend to be religious people !! And we chose Islam, because it is the easiest to defend, AND you CANNOT question our faith !! So good, right? hahahahahaha There’s actually no problem with the religion. It is how we manipulate it, and regulate it, that makes us INVINCIBLE !!!


Long Live our Ketuanan ! Now that you know what Ketuanan really means… just shut up, and continue to pay us your tax dollars, and go home to watch Astro. You miserable dumb-bells !!!