Illogical Parameswara

Written by John Doe

We are supposed to believe that this is the Grave of Parameswara. A Grave sitting idyllically on Fort Canning Hill. A grave where the Murderous Founder of the Malayan Sultanate lies in state. In the country of whose King he murdered before he went to Malaya.  Before his Vicious dogs were kicked by a timid and tiny Mousedeer. Before he sat under a Tree. A Tree called the Phyllanthus Emblica, the Indian Gooseberry Tree.

So, Parameswara landed in Singapore. And why was he there? He was certainly NOT there for the Great Singapore Sale !! That’s for sure !! He was instead, running away. A fugitive from his own father. In the Javanese Language, the word “Melayu” means “A Fugitive”. And what exactly did he do that deserved a Death Warrant by his own father? Parameswara had tried to murder his own father. Apparently, Parameswara was not happy that he was not in line to become the King, and therefore, decided to go the anarchy route instead. He was found out. Thus, he fled to Singapore. During this time Singapore was ruled by a King from Pattani, who was appointed by the ruler of Siam, in Ayodthaya. The Singaporeans treated Parameswara well, but Parameswara decided to take over, and murdered the Singapore King a few days later and made himself King of Singapore and its’ neighboring islands. Parameswara then ruled Singapore for about five years as a Pirate Captain.
Unfortunately, the Singaporean King whoom he murdered was actually the Brother-in-Law of the King of Pattani. Why Parameswara did it, no one really knows. Maybe he really liked Singapore? Maybe he liked Orchard Road, or Sentosa Island, or maybe he just liked that there was no Church Burnings, nor Flying Pig-Heads nor Ketuanan in SIngapore? Regardless, he decided again, that murdering the King of Singapore  was the best way to achieve Bumiputra Status. Perhaps the Singaporean King asked Parameswara to “screw himself” when the Pendatang from Palembang was in the midst of filling out Form 14 of his ICA Application? Maybe Parameswara started insisting on his Bumiputra Rights and demanded a 10% Discount on Housing? Who knows? One cannot help, but imagine Chow Yun Fatt, greeting Parameswara saying, “Welcome to Singapore”, just like in Pirates of the Caribbean.
Anyway, Parameswara Murders the King of Singapore. And probably bludgeoned the entire family as well. He could have perhaps kept all the women as his sex slaves. Or he could have let his 30 Bugis Pirate friends “have their way” with them. Or, he could have raped them, and THEN let his Pirate friends have their turn. Parameswara clearly knew that the Nuremberg Tribunals did not exist yet, so he was thus, safe.
Without insulting the Thais too much, it took Pattani 5 years to finally send down their Armada, to execute Parameswara. You see, the Thai’s owned all of Malaya. And why they took so long, one will never know. Maybe Facebook was down, or they were dependent on Telekom Malaysia for their Phones, or maybe they were just busy !! In perfect Thai-English, “We taking loooooooooong tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime..”
When they finally arrived, Parameswara had already fled. He ran to Muar, presumably to look for some good Bak Kut Teh there. He probably used two of the Three Original Words of the Melayu Language too. He must have shouted, “Saya….. BABI !!” at the poor Bak Kut Teh waitress. I wonder how Melayus could communicate those days, if they only had a three-word vocabulary? The only three original words being “Saya, Babi, and Padi” I mean, there not even connector words, so for Parameswara to order Bak Kut Teh in Muar, he would have at least had to say “BABI… tambah Padi” or something to that effect. But no. Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka’s third edition of Kamus Lengkap clearly gives all the origins of Melayu words. And they come from all over the world. So, perhaps Melayu was the most complex language in the world when it came to tones? The Mandarin Language has 4 tones, the Thai Language has 5 tones, and so on. Tones help cut down the number of sounds, consonants, and the quantity of words. So, with a limited Language of only THREE words, one perhaps needs 15,000 tones to bring the Malay Language up to speed? And perhaps repetition of words made completely different meanings. So, “Saya Babi Babi” could mean “I Love You”, or said very quickly, “Babi Babi Babi” means “I’m really hungry, damn it!!”
I’ll give you a far more elegant explanation. Albeit, a less humourous one. As I’ve written before, all Austronesians are really Chindians. And by Chindian, I mean Mongoloids + Dravidoids = Austronesoids. Their parents had Languages. And those Languages were really either from India, or China. The later ones who married with the Austronesoids, started adding to the Vocabulary. So, as new technology arrived, new words were assimilated into the Language. For example, before the arrival of the Portuguese, the Austronesoids had no cupboards. Either they put everything on the floor, or simply kept it on shelves. So, when the “Mobile Shelves with-a-door” concept came to this region, they asked what it was called, and the Portuguese politely answered “Almari”. Almari is a Portuguese word. I can go on and on and on.
Anyway, fast forward to the year 1411. Nobody recognized Parameswara as a legit King. In desperation, he had to make his Pilgrimage to China, to Bow and kiss ass to Emperor Yongle, and the following Dialogue took place.
Part of the translation is below:
“…Now I am conferring upon you, king, a gold and jade belt, ceremonial insignia, two “saddled horses”, 100 liang of gold, 500 liang of silver, 400,000 guan of paper money, 2,600 guan of copper cash, 300 bolts of embroidered fine silks and silk gauzes, 1,000 bolts of thin silks……” 

My my my. How touching !!! The first textbook King of Malaya was conferred as King by the Emperor of China Yong Le, aka “Son of Heaven” !! Now, there’s a few ways to interpret this. Option One, ONLY the Son of Heaven could confer Kings, thus Parameswara had to make his Pilgrimage to China to be conferred, or option two; he was simply too dumb not to confer himself as King. It is perhaps also important to note, that he Emperor of China also conferred the Sultan of Brunei as the King, (I’m still curious to know how the Sultan of Brunei; in 1363, claimed to be the First King, despite plenty of evidence showing the fact that there were 900 years of Kings before him) Also not to forget that the Bendahara of Johore decided to confer himself as King when the original one was murdered. Shouldn’t UMNO declare this null and void? Otherwise all Kings of Malaysia might need to go to China to get conferred starting right now. Alas !!! China no longer has any more Kings. But if they did, I’d arrest them for offering Bribery Money to the King of Malaya. I’d also like to Charge Parameswara with accepting this Bribe !! Unfortunately MACC records state NFA.

So, some Malaysian History books tell of how “Emperor Hang Yong Le” gave his daughter to Parameswara to marry. Her name is Hang Li Poh. Hold on !! Mr. Hang Yong Le? His name was Tzu Yong Le !! ALL Ming Emperors had a Tzu as a last name ! Where the heck did Hang Li Poh come from then? Was she an illegitimate princess? Was she a spare concubine? An extra servant? God forbid that she a common street whore!! Anyway, whoever she is, she is now the Mother of all the Sultans of Malaysia. I can hear gnashing of teeth already. No one claims to be the downline of Parameswara except for the King of Perak. Except that every other King married every other Kings’ daughters and cousins, and so, somehow, they all have Hang Li Poh’s blood of unknown origins in them. This sounds too much like the Ong Sum Ping bloodlines in the Sultan of Brunei. Anyone here breathes “in-breeding” about the Sultans, and I’m sure someone will Fatwah you immediately.
OK. so Parameswara dies, and his body is carried all the way back to Singapore, and is buried on Fort Canning Hill; in the Land, whose King he murdered at the start of his career. C’mon. Let’s get real, folks. How is this even possible? The Singaporeans would have torn his body to shreds !! Unless… unless of course they too were part of his Murderous scheme !! Maybe the Singaporeans were tired of their King, and were working along with Parameswara? Because, the opposite is pretty sad, to be ruled by a Murderous Pendatang-Tyrant for FIVE years before any action was taken. How can any society be governed by any Evil Regime, and sit down, and do nothing? Oh wait !! Burma has been that way for a long time. And Malaysia has been under the UMNO Regime for the past 53 years. So I guess, that it is possible that people here can do nothing to be constantly oppressed.
I deliberately did not discuss the “Non-Conversion-To-Islam” of Parameswara. But I’ll give you this:
The Third King of Malacca was known as Raja Tengah, aka Raden Tengah (Raden is only reserved for Chinese Muslims of that time, just like Raden Patah from Demak). He originally started out as Seri Maharaja, (a common Royal Hindu Title) Some scholars say that he later married a Tamil Wife. And she was a Muslim. Perhaps he converted to Islam because of his Tamil, Muslim wife? 
Now it gets more interesting. After he died, the son of a Princess from the Rokan Kingdom took over. (is this his son ???) And his name was Raja Ibrahim. Raja Ibrahim decides to renounce his Religion and declares himself as Sri Parameswara Dewa Shah instead. Again reverting to the Religion of his ancestors. Surely he should be put to death for Apostasy !! Well, he was. His own elder brother, Raja Kasim decides to bludgeon his younger brother to death in 1445. Whatever the reason, we do not know. Raja Kasim then became the most famous Sultan of the Malaccan Empire (according to Malaysian History textbooks) Raja Kasim’s mother is another Tamil Muslim.
It is important to note that there was always constant friction between the Tamil Muslims, and the Hindu Melayu’s in Malacca all the time. Thus, they’ve been fighting over and over and over again for decades. It is perhaps ironic that the roles have reversed in Malaysia today.
Textbooks also constantly lie about how peaceful the Melayu were until the Evil Western Forces arrived. All that murdering above clearly depicts otherwise, and this is only detailing Malaya’s History. Indonesian History has far more killings and murders and such. The truth is that the “Western Powers” simply waltzed in and took over because the locals were too busy sodomizing each other for power, and control. If one assembled all the dates of wars and murders together on a single sheet, you will instantly find that it was mere weeks of peace at a time.
I do sincerely invite the Malaysian Education Ministry to include all of this into their History Textbooks.
In the meantime, further Research for my Book continues……