TMZack reports!

Art Harun

Roman Polanski has been spotted packing up all his belongings recently. He has even put up his Hollywood mansion for sale.

We met him yesterday and asked what is happening. “I am moving to Malacca Bro,” says him.

Apparently Malacca is a small state in a country known as Malaysia, a peninsula north of Singapore – starting from a piece of rock known as the Middle Rock – and south of Thailand. We did some googling and found out that it is one of the most progressive Muslim countries in the world.

In fact apparently, Malaysia is a showcase for a tolerant Muslim majority country with a multi-ethnic population.

Efforts to elucidate the real reasons for this almost impromptu decision of his were only met with this  cryptic answer. “I want legit man…legit..I am tired of being illegit man…I want legit…and many too…maximum 4!” says Polanski.

Over in the UK, we heard Gary Glitter is also packing up his bag to move to this place Malacca. And latest we heard Woody Allen might be following suit.

Wow…we must check this place out man. Like tawdally happenin!

By the way, Bob de Niro was recently spotted in Kuala Lumpur, the bustling capital city of Malaysia. We caught up with him and asked wassup with him.

“Oh, I went there with my own money and lemme be entirely clear about that, I went there on my own and with mah own money, okay.”

Er..what was he doing there?

“I was there to look for locations and to get ideas for my next movie, a movie which I am producing and acting in.”

Hmm..interesting. What’s it gonna be called and about? Is it the Godfather 4?

“Well, I did think of Godfather 4 but you know I wouldn’t want to insult the Muslims in Malaysia. In fact I wouldn’t dare insult them. They take the word “God” very seriously you know. And God does not have a father to them and I was kinda like thinkin’ you know, Godfather would mean that God has a father you know what I mean, and so I was kinda like afraid about that and so I stopped thinkin’ about Godfather 4 in Malaysia man…”

“I am now thinkin’ of doing a light comedy man…called Meet the Mother Fokkers” you know….a kinda like prequel to Meet the Fokkers…yeah…am thinkin’ of Barbra Streisand and Hoffman again man…but with a Malaysian actress as well…maybe Maya Karin…delectable man…delectable…the movie I mean.”

“Then I was thinkin’ of doing a court drama  called Anal-ised This or That too. But I am not too sure yet man…yea. It’s gonna be cool man…a man accused of doin’ anal sex with another man  and then the other man  says it was consensual although the charge says non-consensual and then in the middle of it all, oh man…I don’t want to reveal too much man…”

“Oh, do tell us Bob…”

“Well, you know, a bit more the middle of it, it kinda goes surreal a bit…like the victim had an affair with one of the prosecutor man…kinda like that…oh ho ho…you love it dontcha? Kinda like Serpico meets And Justice For All ya know? I think I am gonna ask Al to be the prosecutor.”

“Oooh…we can’t wait Bob.”

Latest. We found out OJ Simpson is thinking of moving to Malaysia too.

“Ah wanna be a Malay in Malaysia dude. There ah can be a Malay if ah wanted to. Yeah…in fact anybody could be a Malay there dude. Just convert to Islam, speak Malay and live like a Malay. Not difficult man…”

“Er…why would you want to do that OJ?”

“Hey man…America is da shit for black man like me dude. They say me a killah and all dude. Am not gonna take that kinda shit no more dude. Am gonna be a Malay and get me some privileges dude.”

Latest about Sean Connery.

“I am going to Malaysia too!”

Wow…like everybody is Sean. Wassup?

“Oh, I am thinking of doing a movie based on a true story there.”

“Oh, another James Bond, Sean?”

“Naah…it’s The Hunt for  Red October 2.”

“Wow…that submarine movie again?”

“Yes, only this time it’s based on real story.”

We can’t wait.