Subterranean Blues

Art Harun

Disclaimer and warning: This is a work of fiction. Tiada kena mengena samada dengan yang mati atau yang masih hidup. Contains profanity and porn language. So, moral Nazis among you, please do not read.

Date: 09/09/'09

Time: 09:09 hrs

Location: Somewhere near the Middle Rock, Selat Tebrau, Johore.

Depth: 9999cm

Commander's log: It's been more than 12 hours that we are down here. Morale is low. The crew obviously missed ASTROand the BPL. Some have begun to display signs of acute withdrawal symptoms. As to what they are withdrawing from, I have not a clue. I just want to go home. ET goes home. ET goes home. Okay, gtg. Laterz…

Commander Isa "Rempit" Ibrahim sat behind the control console. It was quiet. The drone from the engine and the massive propellers at the back of the vessel served to fill the silence.

Somewhere in the background, somebody was singing "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, Merrily…..". "Good God," Commander Isa was thinking. Bloody irritating. This is not a bleeding boat. This is a submarine! And we are not going down a stream. We are at the bottom of the sea damn it!

"Could you stop singing that blinking song you stupid idiot?", blared Commander Isa, his piqué showing. Warrant Officer 1 Pardi was startled. Trembling in his pants, he stopped singing and managed to softly say, "Sorry Tuan Komander, saya tak buat lagi".

"Hmmmph…", grunted Commander Ahmad. "Bodoh macam lembu!", he said.

"Eh eh…steer la this sub elok-elok sikit. And get your freaking hands off that torpedo button. I tell you, if you whack that little rock in front, habis ler kiter. That rock if you must know, is not just any other rock you know. It is the, I mean, THE (pronounced "de") rock okay. The Middle Rock. If you tertembak Midlle Rock tu, mampus aku! That's like showing our country the Middle finger Bro!," screamed Commander Isa.

"Okay okay Tuan…", said the Warrant Officer Class 1 Pardi bin Joned.