Dear President Macron


So, the French and English are more or less like cousins of sorts, just like the Malays and Indonesians. I mean, most English are French bastards anyway, other than those pendatang who live off the welfare cheques and benefits paid by the British taxpayers through the 20% VAT and 20% income tax. So, if England happens to get whacked by Belgium today, I hope you French can show some compassion and sympathy and not make fun of us or mock us too much.

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin

Dear President Macron, today at 3.00pm (or 10.00pm Malaysian time) England is going to face Belgium to fight for last place in the 2018 World Cup. Yesterday, I went to the city to look for waistcoats and strangely they were all sold out. I was told that beer and waistcoats are the two most saleable items and have helped spur the British economy in these hard times when retail sales are taking a beating.

In countries like Malaysia they would probably blame the VAT (called GST in Malaysia) for these hard times but in Britain we know we need to pay the 20% VAT (plus the 20% personal income tax) or else how can we continue to pay the RM250 billion-a-year welfare cheques? Then there are the 1.5 million people who need to be given housing benefits, which comes to another few billion. Then what about the many wars all over the world that the UK participates in at a cost of trillions?

Yes, Britain spends trillions a year on benefits and foreign wars. And much of the benefits go to foreigners who come to the UK to take advantage of the UK’s very generous welfare system. In just one year, these foreigners earn more than they could earn in 20 years back home. So, they spend a few years in England and then go home with lots of money, which they can live on for the rest of their lives.

Now do you know why many British voted for Brexit? By remaining in the EU, we allow millions of Europeans to come to the UK and freeload on the British taxpayers. Gypsies from France and many Eastern European countries (or ex-Communist countries) alone total in the millions. They come to the UK and get free money and housing. Then they cari makan by picking pockets along Oxford Street in London or by shop-lifting, costing shopkeepers and tourists billions in losses every year.

Anyway, I am digressing from waistcoats to the economy to social problems that we face in the UK. So, let me get back to the issue I want to talk about.

Today’s game is actually unnecessary because why would we want to sit in front of the TV for almost two hours to see Belgium whack England kau-kau? But then you never know. There is still this remote chance that England will whack Belgium instead. But then this is not about who wins third place in the 2018 World Cup — because third place really means nothing — but about money. Holding a meaningless game today generates a huge amount of money, which helps the economy. Beer sales alone is bigger than the GDP of countries such as Malaysia.

To be honest, most British believed that England would win against Croatia and would face France tomorrow at 4.00pm (or 11 pm Malaysian time). And they further believed that England would beat France. But then England and France have never liked each other for 1,000 years and the English and French still look down on each other just like the Malaysians and Indonesians do. Hence, we can understand why England was looking forward to whacking France.

Do you know, Sir, that Malaysians consider the Indonesians as lower-class and uncivilised people while the Indonesians look at Malaysians in exactly the same light. This is just like how the English and French look at each other. But the French should not take it personal as the English also look at the Scots, the Welsh and the Irish in exactly the same way (with disdain and contempt).

What the English fail to realise is that the true Englishman (what Malays would call Melayu jati) no longer exists and slowly went extinct over the last 2,000 years. Just before Jesus was born, the Romans came to England and stayed for about 300 years. They did not bring any women with them so they bonked English women (and I was told they bonked each other as well because homosexuality was rampant in the Roman army — which is probably why the Italians are good fashion designers).

Scotland, Wales and Ireland were spared Roman occupation so the Scots, Welsh and Irish are not bastards of Roman soldiers — but then later the Vikings went there to rape the Scottish, Welsh and Irish women. Then, of course, in 1066, the French came to England and did what the Romans and Vikings did earlier — they bonked the English women.

Almost 1,000 years ago the French invaded England and turned England into French

The French were led by William the Bastard a.k.a. William the Conqueror of Normandy (who were all originally Vikings anyway). They then divided the entire England amongst the French nobles — so basically the British Royal Family is French. In fact, at one time, the Royal Court spoke only French and not a word of English. It is only when the original or Saxon Bahasa Kebangsaan of England was totally wiped out and replaced with the New English, which is actually French, did the British Royal Family speak the English Bahasa Kebangsaan — or rather the NEW Bahasa Kebangsaan of the Normans.

Anyway, without digressing too much, I just want to tell you, Sir, that almost 1,000 years ago you French landed in Hastings and turned England into French. Around 900 years later, the British landed in Normandy (the home of William the Bastard) and freed France from German occupation. But the British did not stay after that. They gave France back to you French (which is more than what you French did in 1066).

So, the French and English are more or less like cousins of sorts, just like the Malays and Indonesians. I mean, most English are French bastards anyway, other than those pendatang who live off the welfare cheques and benefits paid by the British taxpayers through the 20% VAT and 20% income tax. So, if England happens to get whacked by Belgium today, I hope you French can show some compassion and sympathy and not make fun of us or mock us too much.

 



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